When People Throw Stones - from Enrichment Journal

When People Throw Stones:
Protecting Your Marriage and Family

By Don and Jodi Detrick


Sunday, December 9, 2007, dawned cold and crisp, like most December mornings in Colorado. But unlike most December Sundays, shots rang out as a gunman aimed at worshipers leaving the morning service at New Life Church in Colorado Springs. Frightened parishioners, gripped with terror, suddenly turned from lunch plans and fellowship to survival tactics and barricades. As the drama ensued, the gunman took two young lives and wounded three others. A female security guard bravely intervened to end the massacre by wounding the shooter, who then took his own life.

Earlier in the day, the same gunman unleashed a torrent of bullets in a dormitory at Faith Bible Chapel in nearby Arvada, killing two Youth With a Mission students and wounding two others. What had motivated Matthew Murray to such violence?

Murray’s parents had home schooled him and raised him in a Christian atmosphere. A few years earlier, nevertheless, Youth With a Mission had dismissed 24-year old Murray. Embittered, he had recently sent hate mail to the Arvada campus. For Murray, the wounds ran deep. His perceived offenses and unresolved pain turned to resentment, bitterness, hatred, rage, and ultimately the revenge he unbridled against innocent victims on that cold December Sunday.
In the wake of the New Life shootings, many churches are taking another look at security and evaluating their plans and procedures regarding the health and safety of their parishioners. We call this risk management. Perceptive churches have been doing this for years. Armed guards may seem an extreme measure, but how does one determine the importance of security, particularly when children are in the sanctuary — a place that is considered safe from harm and intruders?

Fortunately, tragic events such as the New Life shootings tend to be an anomaly, rather than a regular Sunday occurrence. Most people do not fire bullets in church. But many do throw stones — but not the kind that might shatter stained glass windows. Instead, the stones they throw shatter emotions, hearts, dreams, and hopeful perspectives. These stones can hurt. Ask any pastor who is nursing wounds he received from the verbal ambush of an unhappy parishioner or board member.

My wife and I have been there, too. After pastoring for nearly 30 years in small, medium, and large churches — while raising three children — we have had experience and education in triage while staffing our own first aid stations. Since serving as a district official for the past few years, I frequently help pastors and their families express angst and maintain their balance while recovering from stonings at the hands of those they serve.

My wife and I believe in the importance of risk management to protect our marriage and children from those who would intentionally or even inadvertently cause them emotional harm. How many adult children of pastors loathe the church and are far from God because no one protected their dignity and shielded them from assaults in church while they were growing up?

How many ministerial marriages that seemed made in heaven ended because conflicts in the church disrupted and eventually destroyed family life? While you cannot hire security guards or build a fence to protect your marriage and family, consider these suggestions.

You can read the rest of this post at:

http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/200901/200901_070_ThrowStone.cfm